Sound Relationship House Theory And 9 Ways To Build It

With the renowned psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, creating and maintaining a stable, healthy relationship is more achievable than ever. It’s still not a walk in the park, but if both partners adhere to Dr. Gottman’s guidelines in the ‘Sound Relationship House’ theory, success is assured.

You might have heard about this theory before, or perhaps not, but today, we’ll break it down for you. The theory equips every couple with the tools to build and sustain a strong, healthy, and successful relationship.

If you’re in a relationship, I wish you both the best. Stay tuned because this article might transform your lives and relationship forever.

What Is The Sound Relationship House Theory?

In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his wife and collaborator, Julie Gottman, developed a theory known as Sound Relationship House. This theory revolutionized the understanding of a healthy relationship or marriage at the Gottman Institute that year.

Gottman’s research, which began in the 1970s, led to this remarkable theory. In the 2000s, Dr. Gottman also authored a book titled The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, where he perfectly explained the Sound Relationship House theory.

According to their theory, a healthy relationship is like a large house built on solid foundations. The cornerstones of that house are trust and commitment.

Beyond that, there are seven levels that keep the structure strong, substantial, and powerful. The essential levels of the Sound Relationship House are:

• Level 1: Building love maps

• Level 2: Expressing fondness and admiration

• Level 3: Turning towards each other

• Level 4: Keeping a positive perspective

• Level 5: Managing conflict

• Level 6: Supporting life dreams

• Level 7: Creating shared meaning

These seven levels also form the framework for the Gottman method of couples therapy. The primary aims of their therapy are increasing mutual understanding, strengthening emotional bonds, and building trust between partners.

How Do You Construct A Sound Relationship House? 9 Methods

I’ll guide you through the steps to build a healthy relationship. You can achieve this IF you focus on these aspects of the Sound Relationship House and practice them in your relationship.

1. Building trust

This is the foundation of the Sound Relationship House. Without it, the entire relationship structure would collapse.

Trust is vital for a couple’s friendship. Building this friendship is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.

If partners lack trust and aren’t willing to work on rebuilding it, the relationship is bound to fail. It’s just a matter of time until they realize it.

The fact is, you can’t truly commit to someone or let them fully into your life without trust. You’ll feel uncomfortable and grapple with fears stemming from that lack of trust.

While you might pursue such a relationship, it will never be healthy. You can’t genuinely be happy if there’s no trust.

2. Committing wholeheartedly to each other

If you genuinely love someone, committing to them comes naturally. You’ll commit because your love drives you to do so.

Conversely, if you don’t love that person or have doubts, you’ll struggle to fully commit.

A healthy relationship can’t exist without commitment. If you can’t honestly commit, it’s best to end the relationship before anyone gets hurt.

3. Building love maps

Now, let’s explore the first level of the Sound Relationship House. Dr. John and Julie Gottman called it love maps, referring to partners knowing and welcoming each other’s outer and inner psychological worlds.

How do you achieve this? It’s simple—through regular, open, and positive communication.

Ask each other open-ended questions. Learn about each other’s interests and preferences. Share stories from your childhoods, past relationships, and memorable moments.

Building love maps means understanding each other more deeply. This not only helps you know each other better but also strengthens your emotional bond.

4. Sharing fondness and admiration

This is the second level of the Sound Relationship House theory. Partners need to cultivate a habit of showing appreciation in the relationship.

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We should praise each other more frequently and highlight each other’s strengths rather than focusing on weaknesses. Remind one another of the reasons you fell in love and the qualities that first attracted you to each other.

Also, show genuine care for each other’s well-being. It’s the small gestures that truly demonstrate your deep concern for one another.

5. Turning towards each other

This stage of the Sound Relationship House is also known as the Emotional Bank Account. Does that make this level clearer?

Partners need to turn towards each other, not away or against one another. They should be each other’s closest allies and best friends.

Set aside defensiveness and open up to one another. Address your issues together within your relationship. Keep outsiders from interfering in your bond.

6. Maintaining a positive outlook

Stay positive. Focus on your strengths and stop seeking faults in each other, as this won’t lead anywhere good.

Maintaining a positive outlook will significantly help in resolving problems and make your attempts at repair and interventions more successful. Conversely, negative emotions and thoughts will consume you and harm your relationship.

Remember the saying, “If you think negatively, you bring those thoughts to life, and they become your reality.” So, if you don’t want a negative reality, maintain a positive perspective.

7. Managing conflict

Dr. John Gottman and his colleague, Dr. Robert Levenson, found in a study that most divorces resulted from toxic and unhealthy conflict management techniques.

The truth is every couple argues, and disagreements are daily occurrences. However, the key is how you choose to handle those disputes and manage conflicts.

Of course, minor issues can be resolved easily. But there are also perpetual problems every couple faces, requiring careful management.

While these problems might not be solvable, you can find healthy ways to manage them.

8. Realizing life dreams

Focus on your aims and discover ways to achieve them, both individually and as a couple.

This will strengthen your relationship because pursuing your goals together means building your future. Those goals are the foundation for a successful future.

That’s what partnership is about—being together, supporting each other, and working towards the dreams you create TOGETHER.

9. Creating shared meaning

Many people and experts confuse this level of the Sound Relationship House with the first one, building love maps. Though they have similarities.

This level involves creating shared habits and rituals that keep you connected. These habits also fortify your bond.

You could start a shared hobby or set aside date nights to enjoy quality time together.

Creating shared meaning also helps partners gauge their compatibility. If this foundation isn’t strong, the relationship likely won’t succeed.

Final Words

We should be grateful to Dr. John and Julie Gottman. Their Sound Relationship House theory helps us build healthier and stronger relationships.

The reality is, every relationship faces tough times and storms. However, with a strong foundation, no storm or obstacle can weaken it.

By following this theory, you can be confident in having a stable relationship that won’t easily break, weaken, or be destroyed.