Are You Unconsciously Sabotaging Your Relationship? These 10 Things Say You Are

Have you ever endured excruciating moments previously, particularly regarding your romantic endeavors? You might be apprehensive that these past experiences will significantly hinder your new connection?

Close that chapter, let it stay behind you and don’t allow it to control your thoughts because it will unquestionably slow down your relationship.

The reality is that we can never truly ascertain if our relationship is destined to endure indefinitely. This risk may lead to heartbreak but it could also enhance our lives immensely.

So why don’t we center our attention on the positive aspects instead of the negatives? Why not relish the lovely times with our significant other?

My guiding principle has always been ‘if you find joy, cherish it while it’s here because ultimately… emotions, possessions, living beings… all aspects of life are transient’.

Cease fearing constantly that your partner may inflict pain on you someday. This persistent worry can lead you to unknowingly engage in certain behaviors that could undermine your relationship.

And you will certainly regret those actions down the line.

You avoid commitment

Do you feel that although your relationship appears solid on paper, there’s still a missing element?

I understand, I’ve experienced it. I adored the man I was with, and I genuinely believed he cared for me too, yet I still hesitated to commit.

Was there anything amiss about him? Not at all. Was I frightened to allow someone to love me after past wounds? Definitely.

Once you recognize that it’s YOUR unresolved issues and prior encounters hindering your path to love, your new relationship will flourish. Cease your search for his shortcomings and instead, embrace faith.

You experience extreme jealousy

Even though your partner provides no justification for mistrusting him, are you still overwhelmed by jealousy without control?

I absolutely get that sensation. I found myself jealous of all his female acquaintances and coworkers. He didn’t provoke my insecurity at all, yet I couldn’t stand the idea of another woman near him.

I didn’t realize how jealousy can be a highly destructive force. It genuinely has the potential to harm or even obliterate your partnership.

You need to concentrate on fostering trust within your relationship, and you must learn to place confidence in your partner to preserve your bond.

You often measure your partner against your ex

Have you truly left your past behind and embraced your current partner, yet you still find yourself drawing comparisons to your ex? Regardless of his actions, do you constantly seek either similarities or contrasts with your ex?

Of course, they are not identical and should not be. You ended your relationship with your ex due to specific issues, so why pursue a partner who resembles him in any way?

Additionally, this habit will likely frustrate your current partner more than anything. I didn’t do this to my partner, but I was once the one being compared to someone’s ex, and I must say, it’s an incredibly unpleasant experience.

If you continually compare your new partner to your ex, it will create discontent in your present relationship.

It’s possible that you still have feelings for your former partner or that you’re currently with someone to help you move on from them.

Your demands are unrealistic

Have you ever come across the saying ‘no expectations, no disappointment’? I completely resonate with that idea.

In my past relationship, I often found myself sabotaging things due to asking far too much from my partner. I demanded a lot and expected quick results. Ultimately, this just led to disappointment and pain for both of us.

It’s essential to recognize your value and anticipate receiving what you’re entitled to, but requesting something you realize is unrealistic is not fair.

If you place excessive demands on your significant other and set expectations that soar into the clouds, be aware that it likely won’t turn out positively. Your partner will struggle to meet those expectations, leading to mutual disappointment.

You exhibit controlling tendencies

Your ex has betrayed your trust, causing you to think that controlling your current boyfriend is the best course of action to prevent it from happening again?

That’s misguided. This behavior will only reflect poorly on you, making you appear paranoid or unstable, and your boyfriend may still find a way to cheat on you if he wishes.

You gain nothing from this approach, and it may tarnish your image in his eyes.

In fact, controlling actions are a common symptom of self-sabotage.

Neither you nor your partner will enjoy peace or happiness in this relationship. Such dynamics cultivate a toxic environment that could lead to the end of your partnership.

You harbor resentments

Have you repeatedly forgiven those who crossed your path, offering second chances to individuals who didn’t merit even the first chance?

I empathize with your situation and understand the struggle of regaining trust in others. However, it’s crucial to recognize that not every individual behaves the same, and everyone deserves a single chance at forgiveness.

Before I became adept at forgiving, I was a ‘grudge bearer.’ Letting go and moving on was a challenge for me. This attitude negatively impacted my relationship, as I often radiated pessimism.

If you’re frequently clinging to resentments against your partner, it indicates you’re likely angry with them much of the time, creating a heavy negative atmosphere.

This might not unequivocally spell the end of your relationship, but it will likely inflict significant damage.

You often instigate arguments deliberately

Are you the one constantly instigating conflicts, even over trivial matters? This tendency might indicate you’re undermining your own relationship.

If you avoid expressing your problems constructively, your significant other will likely become exhausted from the frequent arguments and may choose to walk away.

Keep in mind, most issues can be resolved through sincere and constructive dialogue.

You withhold physical closeness from your partner

Do you find yourself reluctant to engage in physical intimacy with your partner, even if there’s no underlying fear? And the reasons behind this behavior might be unclear to you?

This could be your way of unintentionally sabotaging the relationship.

While physical closeness isn’t the sole foundation of a relationship, it certainly plays a crucial role, and you recognize its significance in nurturing a healthy bond.

You frequently back out of plans last minute

Let’s be honest, how frustrated do you feel when someone cancels on you unexpectedly? You’re all dressed up, eagerly anticipating the event, and then you receive a message or call that everything’s off.

Honestly, that’s when I feel the most anger.

Yet, I often canceled on my ex as well. I believed he would be understanding and forgive me because I had other responsibilities to attend to.

This behavior is highly disrespectful because your partner should always take precedence, and nothing or no one should surpass their importance.

Consistently doing this is a glaring indicator of self-sabotage.

If this becomes a pattern, your partner may grow weary of it, leading them to conclude that you are intentionally avoiding them.

You’re still holding on to past relationships

If you find yourself frequently discussing your ex or dwelling on past memories, this will undoubtedly hinder your new relationship.

I jumped into a new connection far too quickly, and as expected, it didn’t go well. I caused pain for myself and for that new partner, unjustly.

To genuinely nurture your current relationship, it’s essential to leave your ex in the past and permanently close that chapter. Continuously revisiting the past will only lead to heartache for both you and your present partner.

Don’t let the shadow of prior experiences hinder you from embracing your new relationship. Just because one person hurt you does not guarantee your new partner will do the same.

Consider yourself fortunate; amidst the challenges of this world, you’ve found someone who cherishes you. Embrace it fully while it lasts.