3 Things To Keep Private: Nobody’s Business But Yours

There’s a common saying that goes, “Three things you should keep to yourself are your love life, your income, and your next steps,” but life is far more intricate than that.

Staying private about certain aspects of your life is crucial for reasons that extend beyond just maintaining an air of mystery or leaving others in suspense. Being private is not the same as concealing the truth. Those two concepts diverge quite a bit.

True privacy revolves around safeguarding your boundaries and principles. It’s about holding onto what’s yours and doesn’t concern anyone else. Keeping your personal life under wraps safeguards you from feeling pressured to explain and justify what’s significant to you to others.

In addition to personal matters that warrant discretion, there’s another category you shouldn’t discuss openly, and that involves topics that don’t pertain to you. This represents the flip side of privacy – granting others the same respect you desire.

Let’s explore what should be considered private information, what triggers oversharing, and how you can curb those impulses when they arise.

Three Things To Keep Private

Maintaining your personal life as private doesn’t equate to keeping it a secret. If something comes up in a relevant situation, sharing it with your closest friends or a trusted person is completely acceptable.

However, when you feel the need to explain certain aspects of your life for others to understand, you might find yourself wanting to justify your actions. If you later regret disclosing details that weren’t solicited, that’s a sign of oversharing.

You realize that some fact or simply the quantity of what you shared was too much, even if, at that moment, it felt like a way to connect with another person.

If you’re disclosing too much online, treating social media like your personal journal, it gets trickier. Many individuals have access to your posts, and not all of them have your best interests at heart. The fleeting satisfaction from likes, comments, and engagement isn’t worth the potential repercussions.

Here are three key things to keep private: matters that don’t require justification and are solely your business.

1. Your Beliefs

Being genuine and open is essential for forming connections with others. While this concept is widely known, some individuals misinterpret being genuine as the need to share every personal detail with anyone who shows interest. To be authentic, your beliefs and actions must align – you should live according to your values instead of seeking to please others.

This is why oversharing in various areas of your life contradicts authenticity. Utilizing vulnerability to seek acceptance, empathy, or connection is not the same as true vulnerability.

Before you disclose anything to others, reflect on your intentions. If you’re seeking something in return, you’re not being authentic. If you attempt to deepen your relationship without a strong foundation, it becomes oversharing.

• Your Religious Views

Religion is a deeply personal topic for many people. It’s essential to respect the beliefs of others, whether they have faith or not, and expect them to extend the same courtesy to you.

• Your Choices

Your decisions may be criticized by some, but nobody is entitled to judge them. As an adult, your choices are yours to make and carry responsibility for, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

• Your Political Views

Though some people relish discussing politics, no debate will change anyone’s perspective. Political issues evoke strong feelings, and your views may lead to complications. It’s not necessary to keep your political beliefs secret, but it’s wise to choose wisely with whom you share them.

• Your Acts of Kindness

Practice kindness without expecting recognition. Your good deeds benefit you as much as they do the recipients. There’s no need for others to know about your charitable actions, and boasting about them can make you less likable.

2. Your Lifestyle

Your private life is yours alone, regardless of how persistent others may be in wanting to know. If you feel pressured to defend your choices, it likely indicates uncertainty about them or that someone else is being judgmental.

Those who disapprove of lifestyles different from their own often do so out of envy or dissatisfaction. Requests for information often serve as invitations to explain or justify your differences.

Sharing personal information should be regarded as a privilege – you owe no one any insight into your life, nor do you need to justify your decisions.

• Your Finances

Whether you’re doing well financially or struggling, it’s best to keep your financial situation private. Revealing such details, especially to extended family, can lead to unnecessary attention. If you have wealth, others may expect you to help them out, and if you don’t, those you believed cared might just disappear.

• Your Problems

Your struggles, frustrations, conflicts, and challenges are best kept to yourself unless you’re certain the listener has your best interests at heart and truly wants to help. Exceptions include your partner, parents, or close friends who genuinely wish to see you thriving.

• Your Appearance

While some may think it’s their place to comment on others’ appearances, how you choose to look is just as private as what’s inside you. No one has a right to judge how you present yourself. Make sure to set boundaries if unwelcome comments bother you.

• Your Time

How you spend your day or your future intentions are private matters. You don’t need to explain how you invest your time to anyone. This doesn’t mean you can’t casually share what you did over the weekend; it means you shouldn’t feel obliged to justify it.

RELATED: Embracing Each Day: The Importance Of Now

3. Your Relationships

The details of your relationships belong solely to you and the person involved. Sharing specifics can escalate drama and lead to unwanted interference. Even if your loved ones mean well, their involvement can create tension with your partner.

Relationships are also vulnerable to gossip, so revealing private details opens the door for speculation and drama. The best approach is to maintain some boundaries over what you choose to share with others.

expands even more. When you reach out for help with personal problems, keep in mind that outsiders never get the entire story.

• Your sexual preferences

Your orientation, sexual activities, partner choices, and overall sexual life should remain confidential. Discussing these topics with those not involved can lead to rumors or make for uncomfortable conversations due to too much detail.

• Your romantic relationships

It’s wise to keep meddling family and friends at a distance and focus solely on your partner when working through your relationship. No one else will truly understand what you’re going through. Keep your relationship private.

The one exception would be if you’re facing serious issues that warrant couples counseling. In that case, your therapist should be included.

• Your parenting choices

Your methods for raising your children are between you and the other parent — that’s it. If you both agree on a course of action, outside opinions don’t matter. If extended family starts critiquing your kids’ bedtime or nutrition, or saying they can watch one more cartoon, put a stop to that meddling before it escalates.

• Your family relationships

Families can bicker, love one another, and sometimes, they might not even feel like a traditional family. The dynamics among you and your family members are yours to manage; others have no place in that.

RELATED: What Are Low-Key Relationships? 11 Reasons To Have One

3 Things To Keep Private

Besides personal matters, there’s another set of topics that are best kept to yourself: other people’s issues. This includes both gossiping about someone not in the conversation and offering unsolicited comments about your conversation partner.

Diving into topics that don’t concern you only adds to oversharing, typically coming from a place of wanting to bond with the person. You might feel connected for a moment, but that connection is often short-lived.

Ultimately, you could end up regretting it since it can sour your relationship with the person being talked about, even if they never find out. When giving unasked-for opinions, it can lead others to view you as judgmental, no matter how your thoughts may evolve.

1. Other people’s business

Your conversation partners don’t need to know personal details about you, let alone about others. Gossiping and sharing tidbits about others usually stems from a desire to connect or feel superior, but it rarely leads to anything positive.

Revealing gossip won’t help you make genuine friends. Bringing up others to fill the silence won’t foster any real connections. Instead, you risk becoming known as a gossip, attracting those who only want to pry into the lives of others, and potentially hurting the person you’re talking about.

2. Your judgment

Expressing judgments and opinions about others can lead to disliking, unless you’re around people who also judge. Even in that case, they may only be with you for what you can offer them.

Keep your thoughts about another person’s choices private. Avoid critiquing a friend’s decisions to other friends. If you feel negatively about someone, it’s best to keep those feelings to yourself.

Being rude or making snarky comments about someone doesn’t reflect poorly on them, but on you. Mocking and joking at others’ expense will only attract troubling individuals who thrive on negativity.

3. Unsolicited advice

Your thoughts on how someone should behave, dress, or speak should stay inside your mind. Feeling entitled to offer advice when it hasn’t been requested suggests you see yourself as superior: as if you have everything figured out and need to share your wisdom.

Even if someone asks for your opinion, be cautious. People often want a listening ear more than they seek actual advice because deep down they may already have the answers. Pay attention to their body language to see if they’re engaged or if they’ve checked out after revealing their issue.

Extend respect to others in a manner that you would want for yourself and don’t undermine their judgment by implying that you know what’s best for them over their own understanding.

3 Reasons Why We Overshare

People often overshare due to boundary issues. Understanding the value of healthy boundaries for a fulfilling life is essential. Oversharing also ties back to insecurities and the urge to compete, which is ultimately pointless and won’t lead you to the fulfillment you seek.

Being aware of the reasons behind your oversharing is the first step to managing it.

1. Lack of boundaries

Understanding and respecting your own limits helps protect both you and others. Oversharing can infringe on your boundaries and those of the people around you. Having boundaries helps you determine what is appropriate to share.

Oversharing can push people away. You risk being seen as self-centered, awkward, or inauthentic rather than genuine. Learning about boundaries is key to personal growth and can significantly enhance your relationships.

Setting limits in discussions will help you be a more attentive listener. Instead of instantly responding with personal experiences, practice self-restraint and reflect on what others say. Being thoughtful in your interactions will enhance your communication skills and connections with those around you.

2. Loneliness

When you feel isolated or lack understanding from those around you…that you can genuinely connect with, attempting to rush that bond can occur. Every person has the fundamental need to feel acknowledged and understood. When there isn’t anyone around to offer that, it’s natural to occasionally feel a sense of urgency.

Oversharing often stems from the desire to express “This is who I am and here’s my journey,” but it can misfire as a tactic for gaining attention. If you do this with the wrong individuals or too early in a relationship, your words may go unheard. Sharing too much too fast can create a misunderstanding of who you really are.

Revealing your personal experiences, aspirations, and fears without giving others a sense of your character is likely to prompt judgment rather than foster real connections. You might feel a brief sense of closeness, but that won’t endure. Take your time to develop relationships: be sincere and transparent without appearing clingy.

3. Insecurity

Feelings of anxiety and low self-worth are common triggers for oversharing. Everyone aspires to lead a fulfilling life, leading us to observe what happiness looks like in others. If you focus on comparing yourself to others rather than identifying what personally fulfills you, you may find yourself eager to emulate their lives.

Your actions often reveal your insecurities. This can drive you to present a vibrant and exciting life through oversharing details that you think will make you more appealing. However, it’s important to remember that many others share similar motivations; they too curate their stories by careful selection of what to disclose.

This habit is particularly evident in the online world. Those who seem to lay their lives bare on social media often create a façade. They are not exposing their true selves but constructing an illusion of an idyllic existence. Whether it’s a blogger sharing their experiences for views or an influencer promoting a perfect image, much of what you see is carefully staged.

Avoid feeling pressured to validate yourself through oversharing personal details, as what you see in others might not reflect their reality. Instead, focus on the pursuits that truly bring you joy and satisfaction.

3 Steps to Curb Oversharing

If you find yourself oversharing, cutting back might prove challenging since it often occurs in the moment.

For instance, chatting with a colleague about work and inadvertently mentioning your diet might seem harmless, but it opens the door to unnecessary questions and opinions from someone not deeply involved in your life.

Learning to discern what to share and with whom takes practice, but it becomes more manageable over time. Here are a few strategies to help reduce your tendency to overshare:

1. Practice mindfulness

The key to overcoming oversharing lies in being thoughtful about your words. Pause before speaking and refrain from offering unsolicited information. If someone does inquire, take a moment to think whether that person truly needs to know.

Is it someone you trust, and is it significant for them to learn that about you? Burdening more casual acquaintances with your issues might create discomfort and hinder the chance to deepen your relationship.

2. Assess the relevance

Never underestimate the significance of your private information. Even minor, seemingly inconsequential details can be misused or judged.

For example, if you mention your weight loss efforts to a colleague, it might spark unwanted feedback, advice you never asked for, envy from those wishing they could do the same, or even sabotage.

3. Be mindful of boundaries

Think carefully about both your boundaries and those of the person you’re speaking with, and consider the potential outcomes of oversharing. Do you truly want your coworker commenting on your meals daily because they know you’re watching your diet?

Establishing firm boundaries hinges on having a healthy self-image. Minimizing oversharing becomes easier when you trust your own judgment instead of seeking validation from others. Learn to stand by your choices without needing external approval or advice.

Protect Your Privacy

The three key areas to keep private are your beliefs, your lifestyle choices, and relationship issues. When too many people know about these aspects, it can lead to self-doubt, make you second-guess your choices, and hand over control of your life to others. Take charge by deciding what matters to share and what remains your secret.

Avoid discussing matters that don’t involve you – like gossiping about absent friends or giving unsolicited opinions. While such chatter might feel satisfying in the moment, it can ultimately lead to disconnection or give others an opportunity to misuse that information.

Keeping your matters private doesn’t mean you can’t ever discuss your values or feelings – it simply means being selective about whom you share them with, as well as when and how much you reveal. You can foster connections through sharing, but it’s crucial to recognize when to open up and when to hold back from oversharing.