3 Main ‘Attachment Styles’ And How They Affect Your Relationship

Have you ever experienced the sensation of going in circles or reliving the same situation in your romantic encounters? The pattern that leads to despair. The one where you exhibit identical behaviors. The underlying reason for this might lie in your attachment style.

Your attachment style is a framework that forms during early childhood, significantly influencing your adult relationships. It is shaped by your bond with caregivers or parents.

Why should you be aware of your attachment style concerning your relationships?

Recognizing your attachment style allows you to assess your compatibility with your romantic partner.

Your attachment style also dictates your partner selection and influences the trajectory of your relationship.

However, understanding your partner’s attachment style is challenging until you become involved with them.

For example, many toxic manipulators may appear charming at the onset of a relationship, revealing their true nature only when it’s too late.

To clarify this notion further, let’s explore the three primary attachment styles and their impacts on your relationships.

1. Secure attachment

Behavior in relationships:

Individuals with this attachment style are capable of placing complete trust in their partner. They exhibit no indications of jealousy or possessiveness towards them.

They and their partner have assurance in one another and their relationship. There’s no requirement to check in with texts or calls when socializing with friends. They cherish their independence, which is truly beneficial.

Even more remarkably, they also foster a shared life together, avenues for individual pursuits, and mutual friendships.

Their relationship thrives on health and is free from suffocation. They express love that grants them freedom while remaining deeply connected.

Childhood Impact:

These individuals emerged from nurturing and secure surroundings. Their parents or caregivers instilled the understanding that they would always be present upon their return.

This behavior is subconsciously mirrored in their romantic relationships. No matter how much time they spend apart engaging in activities, they trust they can always return to their partner.

2. Anxious attachment

Behavior in relationships:

This style is marked by individuals who harbor insecurities and a lack of confidence, primarily in themselves but also in their relationships.

They tend to prefer spending excessive time at home and can feel an overwhelming sense of jealousy every time their partner is absent. Their tendencies lean towards possessiveness and control.

Fearing that their beloved will drift away, they refrain from granting them space, constantly checking in.

They tend to text and call when their partner is socializing with others, struggling to understand the need for external friendships.

This attachment style can devolve into toxic and harmful behaviors, posing significant risks to one’s mental and physical well-being.

Childhood Impact:

People with this attachment style often experienced challenging childhoods. They may not have received the needed support from their caregivers.

Feelings of insecurity and neglect might have prevailed. Therefore, they fear that their romantic relationships might not fulfill their needs either.

3. Avoidant attachment

Behavior in relationships:

As indicated by its name, individuals with this attachment style tend to shy away from relationships. They avoid forming deeper connections with others.

Even when they enter a relationship, it takes considerable effort to confront their anxieties and take a chance. Unfortunately, their deeply ingrained trust issues often lead to short-lived partnerships.

They enter relationships with the assumption or fear of inevitable failure, which often becomes a reality—a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Thus, they unwittingly sabotage their own connections.

This leads to feelings of inadequacy, making them clingy or overly dependent.

Childhood Impact:

Individuals of this attachment style often faced detachment from their caregivers, whether physically or emotionally.

It may not have involved outright abandonment; they might have been hospitalized or experienced parents who were too occupied to meet their needs.

Despite living in the same household, their parents might have been workaholics or struggling with addiction, failing to offer adequate attention.

What can you do?

Even if your attachment style is anxious or avoidant, it is crucial to remember that positive change is possible. You can engage in a fulfilling, healthy, and lasting relationship, albeit with challenges.

Seeking professional guidance is key—embrace the process and practice patience. More intense attachment styles may require extended healing time.

Understanding your attachment style is an essential first step in addressing your emotional challenges.