They Always Come Back (And Here Are All The Reasons Why)

In the landscape of dating, I truly hold two convictions close to my heart: Where there’s a will, there’s a way and Ultimately, they always return.

And I assure you, there are multiple foundations to support my belief.

Ultimately, they repeatedly find a way back into your life, your inbox, or your thoughts.

What prompts this return? To rephrase: Why do they reappear just as you’ve begun to move forward?

Does following the no contact guideline somehow transform them into something else?

Instead of moving on to someone new, they explore ways to re-enter your life, even for just a fleeting moment (because that means the world to them).

Ultimately, they consistently return. It’s a phenomenon as ancient as time itself. Today, we’re going to explore the reasons for this trend!

The “Craft” Of Taking You For Granted

Many former partners who eventually reconnect have perfected the “craft” of taking you for granted beforehand.

To sum it up, one primary reason former lovers become exes initially and why they choose to return is the fact that they took you for granted.

I intentionally placed the word craft in quotation marks to highlight its sarcastic aspect and its tough influence.

In hindsight, I might have been better off using pandemic, as its spread is strikingly similar to (if not surpassing) the effects of the Coronavirus.

The stages of the “craft” of taking you for granted include:

– They selfishly enjoy your love without reciprocating or offering anything in exchange

– They cease making an effort for your affection but still anticipate it

– You foolishly give more and more, hoping for a change

– They exit when they detect your diminishing involvement.

The consequences of the “craft” of disregarding you are the following:

– You end up with deep emotional pain wondering if you made a mistake

– You ponder what you could have changed

– You recover and come to realize they were never truly deserving of a place in your journey

– They return.

The focus is on them. Returning.

Once they’ve exhausted their source of unwavering love, they come to the realization that it’s time for them to exit.

They show little concern for your feelings, let alone contemplate putting forth effort rather than just expecting from you.

What occupies their thoughts is solely their own desires.

And then, they return.

After leaving you in heartbreak and turmoil, they determine now is the moment to reconnect with that source of endless love, check if it still exists, or convince you they’ve transformed, asserting that if you could afford them another chance, everything would be different?

Their sudden reappearance leaves you with countless questions and no clear answers.

Or maybe the truth behind their return holds the answer?

15 Reasons For Their Recurrence (Following Your Heartbreak)

1. They either know or somehow instinctively sense that you’ve moved on

I swear, had I not experienced this multiple times, I would never buy into it.

Following a recent breakup, I was engulfed in confusion and disbelief, perpetually questioning: What did I do wrong?

At that time, I was oblivious to the fact that I wasn’t the issue, but rather my tolerance towards their behavior.

Days, weeks, and months passed before I successfully rid myself of their toxic presence and chose to embark on a fresh journey.

Instead of wallowing in tears while binge-watching romantic comedies, I opted to reclaim my strength, spend time with friends, and casually date just for fun.

It was during one of those moments, laughing heartily with a new gentleman I’d recently met, that it struck me: I had FINALLY moved on and left the past behind!

My ex no longer crossed my mind (not even in my dreams) and everything that had transpired was a mere memory.

A few weeks later, while scrolling through social media, HE reached out – my EX reached out! The first question that popped into my head was:

1. How on Earth Did He Know I’ve Moved On?

I definitely don’t recall mentioning that the last time I chatted with him. Why didn’t he pop up during my healing journey? Since my friends haven’t shared anything with him, the only sensible deduction is this:

Both sexes seem to reappear when they magically pick up on your progress in moving forward. It seems that all ex-partners possess this intrinsic “moving on” sensory mechanism, so watch out for that!

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2. OR They Might Be Gauging the Situation

Another reason they tend to return is that they are testing the waters. What does this entail? Let me break it down.

When your ex chose to leave, they likely didn’t plan on coming back – at least, not in the near future. While you were hurting, they went on living as though nothing was wrong. But that doesn’t last forever.

• Perhaps a dream brought thoughts of you.
• Maybe they spotted you in passing (without your notice).
• Or they could have come across a joyful picture of you online (if they’re still following you, of course).

This triggers their desire to gauge the situation.

Curiosity can compel us to undertake actions we may never have contemplated. Suddenly, they become interested in your life—are you still single? Are you thriving or struggling? They want to assess if there’s a possibility for rekindling things.

Typically, they’re not testing the waters to confirm your well-being without them; rather, they want to find out whether you still need or want them in your life. Once they gain that insight, they resume their life as if nothing happened.

Quite frustrating, right?

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3. They Doubt Their Decision

This reason is by far the most infuriating. (If you concur, just nod along.)

Nothing is more exasperating than reaching a conclusion only to second-guess your choices later. This might be acceptable when it comes to buying socks—imagine purchasing a pair, only to realize later that you preferred another one.

But we’re not discussing socks here; we are talking about someone’s feelings!

So here’s a thought for those who ponder if they made the right choice after walking away:

Why didn’t this cross your mind beforehand?

You can’t enjoy the benefits of both worlds, can you? Reassessing your decisions after someone has started their journey anew is simply disheartening, unfair, and miserable.

Furthermore, questioning decisions is often tied to feelings of regret. It’s where someone weighs their decisions against a guilty conscience, pondering if they might have erred.

Let’s clarify something:

Leaving someone is a decision, not an error!

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4. Their Guilt Haunts Them

If there’s one lesson I’ve gathered from my experiences and those of others, it’s that guilt has no age limits.

Whether a grandparent or a teenager, everyone can feel remorse for actions taken years ago.

Exes frequently return because, at some point, guilt about their past actions surfaces. They’ll reminisce about the hurtful words or actions directed at you during your time together. Eventually, they’ll enter a mental maze:

• One moment, they’ll recognize their mistakes and how they took you for granted.
• In the next breath, they might dismiss it as not a big deal.

Yet deep down, they’ll know that their guilty conscience is affecting their daily existence.

Once they confront this reality, they will often feel compelled to:
✅ Reach out
✅ Check in on you
✅ Express their apologies

Why? Because they seek personal closure and peace. They return because continuing life while knowing they negatively impacted someone else isn’t sustainable.

It’s a basic human truth—people struggle to find happiness when they understand they’ve hurt someone else.

5. They’re alone and longing

This is the moment they arise in the morning and notice they haven’t received a good morning message from the person who once cared deeply for them.

It’s that instance when they return home intoxicated and find they have no companion to share laughter and the amusing twists of life with.

It’s when they come to terms with being single and yearning for love, tenderness, or merely physical connection.

The painful aspect of breakups is the abrupt realization that you’re lonely for the first time in ages.

Some individuals cope with it admirably, while others find themselves unable to stop reminiscing about their ex (even if they were the one who ended it).

Nonetheless, this doesn’t justify invading an ex’s privacy. Yearning due to being single is certainly not a legitimate reason for anything, particularly late-night calls or intoxicated messages.

It requires a true individual to express their intentions while sober.

The strength lies in reaching out to someone from their past when their mind is clear.

See also: 8 Reasons Men Disappear And Then Make An Attempt To Return

6. OR they truly miss you

Or maybe they aren’t feeling lonely or desperate; they genuinely miss you.

They can’t shake off the wonderful memories you shared, the way you communicated, walked, and thought…

Everything around them evokes thoughts of you. When they come across something you used to jest about, they instantly recall your hilarious expressions.

They might still have all the gifts and items you once gave them, which now transport them back to the moments spent with you.

At times, they reconnect because they genuinely, forever miss you. They constantly find their thoughts drifting to you despite their attempts to distract themselves.

Thus, they might wait a few days to see if this “missing you” feeling will fade.

But typically, that doesn’t occur, prompting the desire to message or call you to intensify.

Once they finally muster the courage to reach out, they often initiate with something like: Hey, I’ve been thinking about you a lot…

And your immediate thought may be: Nonsense! While their message seems normal to them, for you, it feels incredibly perplexing.

It’s challenging to accept that a person who chose to walk away would suddenly shift gears.

It’s hard to trust that they would ever convey to you that they missed you, but occasionally, it is genuine!

7. OR they’re curious if you miss them as much as they miss you

Alternatively, they might simply wish to know if you miss them the way they do. Such individuals often harbor insecurities about the entire “missing you” dynamic, thus waiting for a sign from you.

They want to confirm whether you yearn for them in the same way they yearn for you, and until they gather that assurance, they won’t act.

You might be wondering why someone would feel this way?

Well, there are several explanations:

-They sincerely miss you and hope you also miss them.

-They are looking to determine if there’s a hope for a renewed connection.

-Their curiosity might not lead to any actions, but they are simply inquisitive.

At times, distinguishing among these three scenarios can be challenging, but there are indicators to consider. Observe how they communicate with you.

Do they inquire a lot about your personal life (particularly your romantic interests)?

Do they reference past moments in your relationship and evoke the fond times you shared?

If the answer is affirmative, then they are likely attempting to gauge whether you still hold feelings for them (because they undoubtedly care about you).

They probably anticipate your green light, as they are apprehensive about expressing their emotions openly.

See also: How To Make Your Ex Long For You: 10 Simple Strategies To Achieve This

8. They realize that the alternative isn’t better

I have seen numerous occasions where partners part ways believing that something superior is out there.

This phenomenon is referred to as the ‘Grass is Greener’ mindset.

It refers to the belief that something better exists compared to what one currently possesses.

This fear of missing out is pervasive across many aspects of our lives and can be extremely detrimental.

Consequently, when they opt to leave their significant other, excitement and anticipation fill their hearts as they step into a realm of “better”.

They hold on to a hope of discovering someone who is faultless or an upgrade from their last relationship.

Ultimately, they come to the realization that the grass isn’t indeed greener on the other side. They come to understand that everyone they encounter has their imperfections and that perfection is a myth.

Hence, the quest for an ideal relationship (the greener grass) culminates in dissatisfaction, prompting them to return to their past partner.

In a sudden turn of events, they find themselves reflecting on the value of what they previously had and start to complain like children.

In conclusion, they tend to return, recognizing that they have undervalued their partner all along.

When they acknowledge that the grass remains consistent everywhere, and that all they need do is open their eyes to appreciate it.

9. They’re examining your limits

At times, they return simply to test your boundaries. They are intrigued to see how you’ll respond to their unexpected arrival.

They want to gauge whether you will still comply with their wishes or if you’ll be receptive to their return.

Regardless of the rationale, probing someone’s limits can always be a tricky venture (if not hazardous).

It means intruding into someone’s life who may have healed from their absence. It embodies a shameless form of teasing just to assess how far one can push the other.

Why would anyone engage in such behavior?

Perhaps they are feeling bored, unable to accept that the other person has moved on, or wishing for a reunion?

Or maybe they just find joy in it. They are testing your boundaries because they take delight in watching your responses to their overtures.

They are assessing whether you are still the same individual who would go to any lengths for them without second thoughts.

So, the question is: are you that person? Hmm…

10. They’re feeling envious

In this contemporary era, becoming envious of someone you’d prefer to forget or still harbor feelings for has never been more accessible.

All it takes is a glance at Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat. They inevitably return when they perceive that you might be smiling with someone new.

When the person taking part in the joyful moments in your photos could potentially be someone better than them?

This jealous tendency on social media recently affected a friend of mine.

A photograph featuring her and a new attractive male friend sent her ex scrambling to send her a message the very next day. Yes!

He became inquisitive about her romantic life, eager to know if she was still available.

It was an unanticipated outreach that took her by surprise.

They tend to reappear when jealousy kicks in. When they come to the realization that you are no longer pining for their return but rather navigating your own independent journey.

When they become aware that someone else may be giving you the treatment you genuinely deserve!

Also check out: How To Ignite Jealousy in Your Ex: 13 Proven Approaches

11. They crave the thrill of the chase (typically applies to men)

I strongly adhere to the belief that men THRIVE on the hunt! They revel in the chase, they relish the thrill of it, and it is a core part of their essence.

From the moment they enter this world, this instinct for pursuit kicks in and influences every dimension of their lives.

To paint a clearer picture of this phenomenon: Suppose you encounter an appealing man at a bar.

He’s charming, attractive, and possesses a magnetic personality that draws you in immediately.

Naturally, you wouldn’t reveal your interest right away. Instead, you allow him to pursue you because this is precisely what he seeks, right?

Dear Men: The pursuit embodies love, the pursuit embodies life!

And when you finally express that you have feelings for him too, he will feel fulfilled and complete.

Why? Because he has achieved the goal of winning you over, which is the quintessential objective of the chase.

Now, let’s assume you’re in a relationship with this guy for a while. Gradually, you start developing a routine in your relationship and the initial excitement begins to wane.

It’s at this point that he decides to depart. Yet, after a period of time, when you’re no longer together, he RETURNS!

Why? Because he sees a new opening to pursue you once more!

When laid out like this, it seems amusing, doesn’t it?

But this is the reality. Believe it or not, a lot of men return simply because the urge to chase is kicking in.

And here’s my advice to them: Continue to pursue her, even when she’s already in your life!

12. They feel pressured by their social circles and family

I often say that meeting a person’s friends and family means you also form a connection with them.

After all, the social circles and family members play a crucial role in everyone’s life and can significantly influence their decisions.

Their influence can go as far as pressuring someone to reconnect with their ex – you. Let me reiterate: Why?

Because they likely have a fondness for you and believe you’re the best match for their friend or relative.

Perhaps they’ve come to terms with a mistake and now are motivated to persuade them to return to you. The pressure does not cease.

They always seem to return. Sometimes, it’s because their loved ones are guiding them back.

These influences help them recognize that they made a mistake and should extend an apology to seek reconciliation.

And, occasionally, that’s exactly what’s necessary: a small nudge from those dearest to them to realize the folly in letting you go.

13. They are experiencing sexual frustration, and only you can alleviate it

With you, they enjoyed passionate experiences more than they did with anyone else. When they separated, they hoped to find the same level of passion and satisfaction elsewhere. Yet, they could not.

Regardless of who they were with, they found it impossible to match the connection and satisfaction they shared with you and now they’ve become sexually unsatisfied.

Now they’ve come to understand that you’re the only one who can relieve their frustration. Indeed.

They yearn to rediscover the joy experienced while being with you.

This is why they choose to text, call, or appear at your door expecting you’ll receive them with open arms.

In other words, hoping that you’ll be enthusiastic to reconnect physically as you once did.

If you share similar feelings for them, then there’s nothing to lose. However, if you’re still emotionally tethered to them, it’s wise to be careful about becoming physical with them.

14. They regret ending things with you

Ah, regrets… I enjoy likening the feeling of regret to making a shoe purchase.

It’s akin to going to a store and spotting an ideal pair of shoes but for various reasons, you decide against buying them. They’re either beyond your budget or you believe something better will come along.

Then you return home and start reflecting on the shoes you passed up. So, you go back to the store only to discover that they are no longer available.

Someone else has purchased that perfect pair while you were contemplating.

A similar thought process plays out in their mind when they regret breaking up with you.

They become aware that finding someone better is unlikely. Moreover, they might be too late if you’ve found happiness with another.

They feel remorse for not valuing you appropriately, for not loving you as deeply as you loved them.

They ultimately recognize their selfishness, ignorance, and self-centeredness. They realize they were solely concentrating on their own joy.

And now they wish to rectify their past mistakes and make amends for their actions.

15. They’re aware you might welcome them again (OR will you?)

Sometimes they return simply because they are confident you would accept them back. They never entirely moved on from you.

The moment they chose to part ways, they had a feeling they would want to return someday.

They took you for granted, believing they could re-enter your life whenever it suited them.

One of the lines I cherish most is: Don’t allow them the luxury of waiting just because you’re sure they will!

In essence, don’t allow someone to treat you poorly under the assumption that you’ll always accept them. There will arrive a time when you won’t, and then it may be too late. But, as always:

It’s ultimately your choice whether to accept them back or let them go!

They always return, but should you consistently welcome them back?

It’s commonly stated that it’s much simpler to cope with the heartbreak the second time around. Yet, that doesn’t justify taking them back into your world, right?

The choice to reinstate your ex is entirely on you. Only you are equipped to understand your feelings for them or the absence of them.

However, bear in mind: if your ex intends to come back, it should be on their own accord!

They should never be coerced into returning, nor should they plead. Their return must stem from genuine desire, not obligation, and for the right reasons.

Explore further: 20 Clear Indications Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back