Situationship: What Is It And What To Do When You Find Yourself In One
Upon first encountering the term situationship, I quickly turned to Urban Dictionary to decipher its definition:
“A connection that lacks a definitive title… resembling a friendship yet exceeding it, but falling short of being a full-fledged relationship.”
As I continued my search, I stumbled upon a more technical explanation – relationship authority Sarah Louise Ryan describes a situationship as a “ pseudo-relationship … an illusion posing as a relationship, but fundamentally, it is not.”
In that moment, it dawned on me that I find myself in a situationship. Both interpretations encapsulate my romantic struggles flawlessly.
Despite my efforts to steer clear of such a scenario, to avoid emotional ties and adhere to the unspoken rules, I eventually ended up experiencing heartache.
Initially, we classified our bond as a friendship; everything beyond that appeared trivial. Yet how can something seemingly minor inflict this much pain? Can a friendship truly be heart-wrenching?
It shouldn’t. It cannot. Yet, against all odds, it did. What I labeled in various ways – friend, more than a friend but less than a significant other, casual, friends with benefits, etc. – ultimately was revealed as just a situationship.
A situationship that complicated my life and feelings to the point where I now feel directionless. This ordeal is one I wish to avoid, and it’s something you shouldn’t endure either.
If you read further, you’ll discover the essence of a situationship, equipping you to sidestep it.
It’s more than a mere casual fling
You recognize that you mean more to him than a one-night stand. There’s a profound connection present.
You share your innermost thoughts with him, inviting him into your world. You confide in one another, finding joy in the same silly moments, cooking meals side by side, and snuggling on the couch while binging shows.
You cherish those fleeting, blissful experiences.
Unfortunately, they come with repercussions. By forging memories together, those moments become etched in your mind, intensifying the pain once everything unravels.
And inevitably, it will unravel. This scenario is unavoidable. It will combust into chaos, sans any prospect of blossoming into a genuine relationship.
It’s an undefined entanglement that you stumbled into
The sting will linger every time you overhear him introducing you as merely a friend. The same ache will manifest when you are forced to describe him as just a friend or your best pal, even when you yearn to shout that he’s something beyond that.
You might feel distanced from his world. Doubts will creep in as you question why you aren’t deemed worthy enough to earn the title of girlfriend, why you remain a stranger to his friends, and why your connection seems confined to the limited space of your shared living quarters.
You have genuine feelings for someone in a non-committal setup
become exhausted from the uncertainty and ambiguity surrounding your connection with him. You’ll crave clarity and commitment, yet he may not be in a position to provide that.He enjoys the casual nature of your bond but is reluctant to advance it. This leaves you feeling frustrated and yearning for a deeper level of engagement.
Your desire for more will clash with his hesitation, creating a tug-of-war of emotions. As much as you might try to address this gap, it’s a struggle to bridge the distance.
This unresolved desire can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, and you’ll weigh whether you can continue in this situation without getting what you truly need.
Attachment forms despite the “just friends” label
Regardless of the just-friends facade, your heart is not privy to such distinctions. Emotions defy logic, and no amount of rationalization can quiet their stirrings.
You exchange affection through cuddles, kisses, and intimate moments, inadvertently solidifying your emotional connection. With habits like daily texting and sharing personal spaces, you develop a bond typical of couples.
Despite the ambiguity of your status, you find yourself further entangled in feelings you cannot suppress. Your heart instinctively yearns for a relationship, even as you remain trapped in an undefined situation.
The dichotomy between your romantic inclinations and the recognition of your unconventional bond weighs heavily, creating internal conflict as you navigate your feelings.
Even in the scenario where you’re supposedly single, you’ve effectively narrowed your focus to him alone. There might not be a formal relationship, but your heart has drawn its own conclusions.
The subtle indicators of your situation are glaring: he has yet to label you as his girlfriend, there’s no visible evidence of your connection on social media, and you have both decided to keep things under wraps.
Logically, you know that loyalty isn’t necessary, and that you’re free to explore other options, but the hold he has on you makes it impossible to consider anyone else.
You possess his affection and attention, and while you enjoy certain benefits, the lack of commitment looms over you, a constant reminder that your relationship is lacking a defined structure.
Desires for more that he can’t fulfill
Over time, the inconsistency of your connection will begin to wear on you. Your wish to evolve this dynamic into a tangible relationship will heighten.
As you reflect on the future of your bond, you’ll realize that the status quo is increasingly unsatisfying, propelling your desire for an authentic partnership.
The desire for progress may reveal the underlying imbalance in your emotional investment versus his reluctance to deepen the relationship.
This tug-of-war can lead to heartache as you grapple with the reality that your needs may never fully align with his willingness to commit.
You want everyone to see the affection you hold for each other. Having a plus one is essential when attending weddings.
You refuse to merely be around when it suits him. You won’t put up with relationships that lack clarity and definition.
This ambiguous connection, this chaotic love situation in which you’ve landed, will only become more challenging to navigate. The nagging thought that he might be giving the affection you desire to someone else, even if he claims you’re his only one, will be hard to ignore.
What steps to take if you find yourself in a situationship?
1. Timing is crucial for a crucial conversation
After sharing multiple dates and getting acquainted with the person in front of you, you will start to sense when it’s time to clarify your relationship.
If not, you risk becoming entrenched in a situationship that may hinder your efforts to escape it later. Rely on your intuition and don’t postpone the inevitable.
2. Establish boundaries early on
It might feel daunting and intricate. You might worry about ruining everything. But setting boundaries is essential – sincere dialogue is the only path to follow.
From the get-go, he should be made aware of your non-negotiables.
Remain firm with your limits. If you state you won’t engage in specific behaviors, follow through.
For example, if he rings you late at night asking to come over, firmly say “No!” to avoid becoming just a booty call.
He needs to understand that you’re not someone to be trifled with. Communicate that you’re not interested in casual encounters, and if this isn’t progressing, you’re not willing to stick around.
Don’t find yourself nursing a wounded heart over a connection that lacks definition.
3. Be truthful yet gentle with your expression
You’ve probably heard it before: it’s not only about your words but also about how you deliver them. The worst mistake you could make is creating unnecessary drama or making him feel like you’re controlling him.
There’s no need for harshness or taking on an authoritative tone; just express your desires clearly. If his goals don’t align with yours, that’s perfectly fine.
If he states he’s not looking for any serious commitment, acknowledge that, but also make it clear that you cannot see a future in that scenario, and it may be best to part ways.
If the possibility of losing you doesn’t inspire him to reconsider, he’s certainly not worth your time and energy.
4. Reflect: Is he truly the one or simply a temporary distraction until real love arrives?
It’s uncomplicated to confuse the two concepts. In today’s hookup culture, being in a situationship has become a common occurrence.
“People aren’t dating anymore; they’re just talking, developing feelings, hooking up, and finding themselves in situationships.” – Unknown
Getting caught up in something uncommitted and relaxed is easy. You don’t want to rush; you don’t want to appear overly eager.
However, there will come a time when you realize you have invested both time and energy into someone who may not be right for you.
It will dawn on you that this form of relationship – or more accurately, a non-relationship – is adversely impacting your emotional and mental health.
In the absence of certainty in this new arrangement, you’ll feel adrift. You’ll despise the vagueness, the untold, and the unacknowledged.
Eventually, you may come to understand that he isn’t ready to reciprocate in the same way. You will simply extend the situation unnecessarily while hoping for something that you inwardly know will never manifest.
That’s why a situationship is never a wise choice.
Let’s be honest – regardless of how relaxed and casual we pretend to be, deep down, we long for a commitment.
We desire someone who will proclaim loudly that we belong to them. We yearn for something defined, something genuine and achievable.
That’s why when the next situationship appears, avoid it or make every effort to steer clear. I’m making that choice for myself.
